The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize