i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
