Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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