I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
