It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
