how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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