I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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