Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
