i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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