why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
