i jhust puked up my retainher.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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