im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize