The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
