Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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