Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
