her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
