Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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