Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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