She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
