I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
sarcasm needs its own font
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
