What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize