i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
