i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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