i think i have two assholes
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
