she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
