i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
