You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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