T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
