break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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