woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
