His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
