You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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