How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
