I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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