Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I deserve this hangover.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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