the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize