He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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