i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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