please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
