Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Randomize
