Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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