girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
