I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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