I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize