my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
