I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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