life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
