some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
