You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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