you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
