can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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