WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
