Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize