I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
