can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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