I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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