So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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