My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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