my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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