Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
