I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
