I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
