I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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