I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
