It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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