if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize