Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
