Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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