how can u be prego again
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
