I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
