dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
