and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
