if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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