sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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