That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
