I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
