I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
