Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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