and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
