please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
