He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
MIDGETS
????
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
