Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
