is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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