My room smells like vodka and shame
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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