My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
