oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
