god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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