just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
True college students do jello shots in the library
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
