I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
