Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
