You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
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