they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
