break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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