I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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