..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
