all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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