I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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